This is my new blog to continue my journey with my Dales Ponies. It will also be the story of my building a new life for myself, alone now, except for my friends, horses and dogs, since my partner died in March 2009. We had lived and worked together, mostly twenty four hours a day, for nearly 28 years and I have never lived alone before. It is a tribute to my wonderful friends that I am still here, still sane(ish) and ready to re-invent myself. I love them all more than words can ever say and can never thank them enough for all they have done and are still doing. It is also a tribute to Alexandra Kurland and 'The Click That Teaches' that I know how to save myself now. To new beginnings.......

Thursday, 4 June 2009

I can't imagine ever wanting another partner. There was never anyone before David so why would there be anyone after? I do feel the need to have a social life though, for the first time in my life. It will be easier when I can drive but I would like to meet more people.

I intend to build a whole new life for myself. This isn't the end for me, it's a new beginning, a new challenge, a chance to find out what I'm really made of. I've lived through the worst possible thing that could ever have happened to me and I'm still standing. I am capable of practically anything now!

I read somewhere that "life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it."

Also that most people "live as though they'll never die then die as though they've never lived". I don't want to be one of them.

A poem that helps me. It's about horses, as you might guess, but I find it transferable.

Don't cry for the horses
Brenda Riley-Seymore

Don't cry for the horses
That life has set free
A million white horses
Forever to be
Don't cry for the horses
Now in God's hands
As they dance and they prance
To a heavenly band
They were ours as a gift
But never to keep
As they close their eyes
Forever to sleep
Their spirits unbound
On silver wings they fly
A million white horses
Against the blue sky
Look up into heaven
You'll see them above
The horses we lost
The horses we loved
Manes and tails flowing
They gallop through time
They were never yours
They were never mine
Don't cry for the horses
They will be back someday
When our time has come
They will show us the way
Do you hear that soft nicker
Close to your ear
Don't cry for the horses
Love the ones that are here.

And another:

Don't Think of Her as Gone Away by Ellen Brenneman

Don't think of her as gone away
Her journey's just begun
Life holds so many facets
This earth is only one

Just think of her as resting
From the sorrows and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years

Think how she might be wishing
That we could know today
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away

And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched
For nothing loved is ever lost
And she was loved so much!

My main inspiration is a friend of mine. I have watched and marvelled at the calm, quiet, caring way he leads everyone he works with. Softly spoken but utterly competent and reliable, his leadership is irresistible and everyone turns to him for guidance. He inspires trust, calmness and confidence in all of us and, since watching him in action with people, I am a better, more relaxed and beguiling trainer for my horses and for myself. He is living proof that compassion, empathy, competence and patient coaxing with gentle good humour are far more irresistible leadership qualities than brash assertiveness and loud attempts to dominate and control. He has shown me the way to win hearts and minds, of people and of horses.

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