My main inspiration has been worrying me. He often has an air of melancholy about him which tears at my heartstrings and I suddenly realised that I didn't know him well enough before all this happened to know if it's just the way he is or whether it's what being around all this has done to him. It must have been very hard and taken an awful lot of courage and determination, to keep on and on coming back here and facing it all, especially when there was no good reason why he should have to. I'm not at all sure I could have done it, although I like to think I would now.

I know if I asked him he would say he's just a grumpy old b******* and he's always like that (I can hear him saying it!) but I think the truth is that being able to empathise so strongly with people carries it's own toll and I know he's anything but grumpy! We do all laugh a lot together and I know I can usually make him laugh, if only in despair at my incompetence with all things mechanical, so that's yet another reason to be and to stay cheerful.

I have come to the conclusion that, in the absence of war or famine, good humoured, affectionate, genuine, heartfelt laughter is the answer to just about everything, and the ability to generate it is a very valuable gift. Grace had me almost whooping with joy yesterday while riding her, and my friends often have me laughing to the point of tears.

David and I always spent a lot of time laughing and I still do, thanks to my extraordinary friends and to my beautiful, talented ponies. I don't think I need much else.