The first thing that made me happy today was to see that Lornz has found my blog, and to see a picture of her and her Dave. I met Lornz on my brief visit to Merry Widow and she said exactly what I needed to hear - that I wasn't mad and wasn't trying to do the impossible - thank you so much Lornz and I hope you are managing to laugh a lot too! If you feel able to stay in touch through posting in the 'comments' at the bottom of the posts, that would be just fantastic and I would love to hear how you are doing!
The next was that I confided how bad things had been to two more friends and received the sort of confidences back that will form a bond between us always. I am finding it awe-inspiring, how opening up to people, in a calm and rational way, can form bonds of deep empathy and understanding. So many people have had to deal with a huge tragedy in their lives that nearly overwhelmed them and I can now recognise the scars it leaves in their eyes. It makes me realise how lucky I've been that I had escaped until now.
One of my friends came to visit with his six year old son today. I have never had much to do with children before but was already very grateful to him for the time he spent with me last Sunday, when I was at rock bottom. We spent ages together working out how to cheat infallibly at 'Pop Up Pirate' and were jubilant at our success and having a great time until the grown-ups came along and told us off!
Today we were drinking tea in the kitchen and talking about this and that when we mentioned how confusing it was when you knew several people with the same name. I said that we used to have three Davids here, David the farrier, David the livery, and I hesitated. The six year old looked me in the eye and said quietly "And your David". Those words, and the way they were said, left a warm glow that has stayed with me all day.
For me life is still good and living it happily is simply a matter of smiling at every possible opportunity and laughing often, and there are some really lovely, kind, generous, understanding people out there.
This is my new blog to continue my journey with my Dales Ponies. It will also be the story of my building a new life for myself, alone now, except for my friends, horses and dogs, since my partner died in March 2009. We had lived and worked together, mostly twenty four hours a day, for nearly 28 years and I have never lived alone before. It is a tribute to my wonderful friends that I am still here, still sane(ish) and ready to re-invent myself. I love them all more than words can ever say and can never thank them enough for all they have done and are still doing. It is also a tribute to Alexandra Kurland and 'The Click That Teaches' that I know how to save myself now. To new beginnings.......