This is my new blog to continue my journey with my Dales Ponies. It will also be the story of my building a new life for myself, alone now, except for my friends, horses and dogs, since my partner died in March 2009. We had lived and worked together, mostly twenty four hours a day, for nearly 28 years and I have never lived alone before. It is a tribute to my wonderful friends that I am still here, still sane(ish) and ready to re-invent myself. I love them all more than words can ever say and can never thank them enough for all they have done and are still doing. It is also a tribute to Alexandra Kurland and 'The Click That Teaches' that I know how to save myself now. To new beginnings.......

Sunday, 7 June 2009

Another Lovely Day.

The first thing that made me happy today was to see that Lornz has found my blog, and to see a picture of her and her Dave. I met Lornz on my brief visit to Merry Widow and she said exactly what I needed to hear - that I wasn't mad and wasn't trying to do the impossible - thank you so much Lornz and I hope you are managing to laugh a lot too! If you feel able to stay in touch through posting in the 'comments' at the bottom of the posts, that would be just fantastic and I would love to hear how you are doing!

The next was that I confided how bad things had been to two more friends and received the sort of confidences back that will form a bond between us always. I am finding it awe-inspiring, how opening up to people, in a calm and rational way, can form bonds of deep empathy and understanding. So many people have had to deal with a huge tragedy in their lives that nearly overwhelmed them and I can now recognise the scars it leaves in their eyes. It makes me realise how lucky I've been that I had escaped until now.

One of my friends came to visit with his six year old son today. I have never had much to do with children before but was already very grateful to him for the time he spent with me last Sunday, when I was at rock bottom. We spent ages together working out how to cheat infallibly at 'Pop Up Pirate' and were jubilant at our success and having a great time until the grown-ups came along and told us off!

Today we were drinking tea in the kitchen and talking about this and that when we mentioned how confusing it was when you knew several people with the same name. I said that we used to have three Davids here, David the farrier, David the livery, and I hesitated. The six year old looked me in the eye and said quietly "And your David". Those words, and the way they were said, left a warm glow that has stayed with me all day.

For me life is still good and living it happily is simply a matter of smiling at every possible opportunity and laughing often, and there are some really lovely, kind, generous, understanding people out there.


  1. Hiya Helen,
    What lovely posts.I am so glad you have restarted this. I love reading what you write.
    And sometimes it is children who put into words what others can't say!

  2. Thank you very much, Hilary, that's really lovely of you!

  3. Children see things so clearly. And they are never afraid to say what's on their minds.

    It's interesting as how we grow older we learn to hold out tongues and watch how we speak our hearts...until we grow quite old and start to speak out again.

    So in the end, who is the wisest?

  4. Hi Helen, just ctaching up. I wrote a long mail on gmail, but the ^78%$ and &*(()^ programme just has lost everything.

    I am fine just very busy with my 7 yrs old son, He has some learning disabilty. Well it is not clear picture yet, so we are treating him etc ... and it takes time. You are in my thoughts. I am glad you are getting stronger.
    Hug xxxx

  5. Hello Muriel, I'm very sorry to hear about your son. Thank you for your good wishes and hugs to you too!

    Jean, I think I must have suddenly got very old or very young again because I've started to tell people how bad it's been and they've all been so lovely. It's as though I didn't really know anyone before or see people properly. Everyone has been a revalation to me, even people I've known for many years, and they've all confided in me too. Everyone seems to shine now.

    I did wonder if I was going a bit mad. I asked a friend and she said no worse than normal!!!

  6. Hello Helen, I am so happy to see your blog return and that you feel able to write again.
    Love Gill x

  7. Thank you very much Gill!

  8. Helen - this is a lovely blog and I love reading your stories!! Who's inspiring who now!! :-) I signed up for a blog after I saw what you had done here but I have yet to write anything. I havnt been posting much at MW anymore - I think it is a great site but I want to get what I need now from life and not a cyber world, it would be too easy to loose myself there. Not to say I will never post there again but I just dont seem to need it as much anymore. I'm doing OK. Yesterday was my 7 month mark and I seem to have turned another corner. I expect I will look back around that corner at some time but at least for now its still about moving on. Its what I have to do, knowing too that Davey would be happy for me and will be right there beside me. I will stay in touch - keep up the good work here and with you beautiful horses - they are my favourite animal and I am green with envy that you get to spend your days with them!