This is my new blog to continue my journey with my Dales Ponies. It will also be the story of my building a new life for myself, alone now, except for my friends, horses and dogs, since my partner died in March 2009. We had lived and worked together, mostly twenty four hours a day, for nearly 28 years and I have never lived alone before. It is a tribute to my wonderful friends that I am still here, still sane(ish) and ready to re-invent myself. I love them all more than words can ever say and can never thank them enough for all they have done and are still doing. It is also a tribute to Alexandra Kurland and 'The Click That Teaches' that I know how to save myself now. To new beginnings.......

Monday, 14 December 2009


I've been really moved by people's kindness of late. The immense kindness of you people here, bothering to read this blog and leaving me wonderful, sweet comments.

The kindness of some people today offering me a huge discount on some tickets for a Christmas event, because they know of my circumstances this Christmas.

The kindness of all the people I have met, spoken to and had business dealings with lately, all of whom have treated me like an old and much valued friend, and the never ending kindness of my friends at home, all determined to make this a happy Christmas for me.

One of my farmer friends hurt his back recently and wasn't feeling very well, so he and his wife went away for a couple of days. His brother gladly stood in for him, doing all his work as well as his own, without even thinking about himself. He always thinks of others, never of himself, and there is nothing he wouldn't do for his brother.

When he returned my farmer friend gave me a present he'd bought for me while he was away. The fact that he'd even thought of me while he was away in itself nearly moved me to tears. He apologised for it being a strange gift but he thought it might be useful.

It is a Swiss Army penknife, bought in a gunsmiths while he was on holiday, and it is my most treasured possession. I never go anywhere without it.

Today one of the horses here, who can get so wound up she would, to quote a Parelli-ism "Kill herself to save her own life" managed, while she was tied up, to get the lead rope wound around her neck and nearly strangled herself. We all rushed to her but she was leaning against the wall and the leadrope was under huge tension. The farrier was here and even he was panicking. My knife was in my pocket, as always, and is very sharp. It sliced straight through the rope which pinged apart it was so taught around her neck. If it hadn't been for the endless kindness of my friend, thinking of me even while he was on holiday, the outcome could have been quite disastrous.

I have been talking to someone online recently who I have told things about myself to that I haven't told anyone else in the world. He has done the same to me. I would like to buy him a Swiss Army Penknife, in case he should ever need one as badly as I did today. I don't have his address and I'm not sure whether our friendship is real or in my head. So much has changed for me this year that I do struggle to know what's real or imaginary sometimes.

He has read some of my blog and if he reads this I hope that he might email or better still text me his address. The trouble is that, unlike me, he doesn't believe in the inherent goodness and kindness of people anymore as he has suffered and been betrayed too often, and at too young an age, to cope with the loss of his dreams and his purpose in life. If he knew the people that I do - my friends at home and all you friends of mine around the world on here - he might find the strength and the courage to leave his hurt and cynicism behind and begin to make his dreams come true again, as I have done.

The best Christmas present he could give me would be to let me buy and send him a Swiss Army penknife, like mine. I think that it would take such a huge leap of faith for him to do that that it might be the best Christmas present he could give himself as well.


  1. I always carry a knife around horses - it can be invaluable in an emergency. You are a very kind and thoughtful person - I think that is why your life is so full of kind people and joy!

  2. I'm so glad your farmer friend bought that knife for you!! How scary! I'm glad the horse is okay.

    I hope your new friend reads your post and takes that leap of faith. It's hard to know if a friendship that is developed over the internet is real or not under the best of circumstances. So much can be misunderstood in the written word. Keep trying though, but don't be disappointed if he doesn't feel the same way you do. You're offering an honest, caring friendship, it's up to him if he's ready to accept it. Good luck!

  3. There are so many " If only " or "thank goodness" moments in life.
    what a useful present. But more than that , it is the thought.

    And sometimes receiving can be hard in a different way than giving.

    Am glad the horse is ok.

  4. Thank you so very much, Kate, achieve1dream and my good friend Hilary, for your wise and perceptive words.

    I really do believe that everything will work out ok now. A few really good people can achieve an awful lot and help to heal the pain of a lot of suffering and loss. I know that to be true for a fact.

    Along with eveyone else who leaves comments for me on here, you are all really, really good people. Thank you.