I drove the 15 miles to the dentist today and loved every moment of it. I had expected the lonely, anxious feeling that I've been plagued with when I'm on my own to return when I was in the Land Rover on my own but it didn't. I just felt jubilant, independent and competent. I felt like a capable survivor with a whole new life to look forward to and I really am looking forward to it.
Denny's owner and her brother are getting some stables around the back ready for her three ponies and she is already a great friend of mine, along with her other half, and her brother seems to be a great laugh too. I can't wait for her to move in properly as I think we are going to have such a fantastic time together.
I've got three goats coming on livery on the 1st October and I know their owner from years ago, plus a horse and a pony coming on Saturday and their owner is lovely too. We are all such an energetic, enthusiastic, young at heart crowd determined to enjoy ourselves and our horses to the full. It's going to be great!!!!
One of my farmer friends came tonight and it was so lovely to see him and talk to him, as I haven't seen him for what seems like ages and there was so much to tell. He told me by text yesterday that I'm amazing, which was a bit embarrassing but lovely of him, considering I couldn't have achieved any of this without the work, care, time and effort he and his brother have put into this place and into me.
He asked if I thought I'd had any help from beyond the grave yesterday and I said yes, I thought that I had. I told him that, as I was driving home today I kept hearing this voice in my head saying "keep it". I had decided to get a more modern vehicle with power steering and a heater, that was easy to drive and went where you pointed it without wandering about but the Land Rover feels reliable, dependable and home, so I'll go with the voice for the time being.
I hadn't driven the Land Rover for a while, to avoid getting mixed up in the mini during the test. Today, every time I looked in the rear view mirror, I saw the sticker that his brother bought me - One Life Live It - and it made me smile each and every time. Without the two of them I might well have been dead by now, as I had more or less decided that my life was over and I only had years of loneliness left with no-one to care if I lived or died. They showed me that they cared, a lot, though it took me ages to really believe it, and now I know that loads of other people do too.
One Life, and I am certainly living it!!!!!!!!
This is my new blog to continue my journey with my Dales Ponies. It will also be the story of my building a new life for myself, alone now, except for my friends, horses and dogs, since my partner died in March 2009. We had lived and worked together, mostly twenty four hours a day, for nearly 28 years and I have never lived alone before. It is a tribute to my wonderful friends that I am still here, still sane(ish) and ready to re-invent myself. I love them all more than words can ever say and can never thank them enough for all they have done and are still doing. It is also a tribute to Alexandra Kurland and 'The Click That Teaches' that I know how to save myself now. To new beginnings.......