This is my new blog to continue my journey with my Dales Ponies. It will also be the story of my building a new life for myself, alone now, except for my friends, horses and dogs, since my partner died in March 2009. We had lived and worked together, mostly twenty four hours a day, for nearly 28 years and I have never lived alone before. It is a tribute to my wonderful friends that I am still here, still sane(ish) and ready to re-invent myself. I love them all more than words can ever say and can never thank them enough for all they have done and are still doing. It is also a tribute to Alexandra Kurland and 'The Click That Teaches' that I know how to save myself now. To new beginnings.......

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Laughter and Inspiration.

I had to put this link to a short video of The Devil's Horsemen at The Horse of the Year Show that Rosie put on her blog on here. It's Rosie on the grey horse at the beginning of the video and she looked every bit as amazing as she does on the video. I love the music too and would love to know who it is, if anyone knows? The video gives me tingles up my spine every time I watch it. It's everything I aspire to with my horses - in my dreams anyway!!!!

I have been having a wonderful, happy time here. I feel anxiety free almost all of the time now and full of hope for the future. I have managed to make and keep all my friends, old and new, throughout all the madness and insecurity I've suffered with, which must have been the greatest test of friendship imaginable.

One of my friends and liveries said, when she arrived tonight, that all she can ever hear as she walks up the drive is the sound of laughter. We do all spend a tremendous amount of time laughing. There have been a few tears as well (not mine) which, having only lived with, and almost exclusively talked about anything that mattered with, a man for many years, I have found quite difficult to deal with but I'm getting there now. At least the tears have not been caused by me, I hope anyway!!!!

One of my two farmer friends, the first time he came to do the cattle after David died, leant on a gate in the cowshed talking to me and a single tear fell from the corner of his eye and ran slowly, unchecked, down his cheek. I'll never forget that because that's what happened to David when I was saying goodbye to him when they switched the ventilator off. He was sedated so I don't know how much he understood but it was the only tear he shed in hospital.

That single tear of my friends has meant so much to me. He has always kept things normal and cheerful whenever he's been with me since then, no matter how bad a state I was in. I'll never forget that, or how much he has done to keep me alive and sane(ish!!!!).

It may sound really sad to say it but I really do miss having male company always available - the right kind of male company anyway. I do still talk to my farmer friends a lot by text message, and have a lot of laughs that way, which is the next best thing. Hopefully they will both be coming to fence the school soon because, best of all, I love having them both here together. They often have me crying with laughter then and I have so many good memories stored up of all the times we spent together which, in the circumstances, says an awful lot about the sort of people and company they are!!!

My lodger is moving in at the end of the month and I'm really looking forward to that. He is really sweet natured and very understanding to talk to, despite being so young. His girlfriend is wise far beyond her years and is a constant support to me too. She sorts me out and keeps me happy and optimistic whenever I need a bit of a boost.

My other farmer friend came to see me last night and I told him about how I was having to adjust to being mainly with women and that I hoped he wasn't going to cry, no matter what! He said only if I stamped on his foot!!!!! He told me he had been shopping with his son the night before and had bought new socks and pants. He then showed me his new socks, which he was wearing, but, thankfully, refrained from showing me his new pants!!!!! Phew.........


  1. Great to have good friends to share the joy. Sounds as if your world is right side up again.

  2. Good to read you so happy and cheerful ^-^ I prefer male compagny rather than women. I find women too complicated and two faces. My female friends are usually quite "masculine" in their way of dealing with life "straighforward, ballsy, and straight talking" however "inside" I am very feminine and traditional. Perhaps that is why I get on with men so well. I never compete with them, I never try to match them. I guess I must make them feel more male. But I am easy going because I think like them ??? Boh!

    I could do what you are doing surrounded by so much oestrogenes. I would have already pick up a fight!

  3. Thank you both very much!!!

    Muriel, you would love all the women here, I promise you. They are all lovely people and wonderful, supportive, understanding, sympathetic company. I just like to have men around to talk to as well.